The Dana Hammer Political Party

It's time for a new political party.  Democrats want to mother you and make sure you eat your vegetables, republicans want to punish you for having sex, and third parties want to establish communes and protect us from alien invasions.  Libertarians are pretty cool, but they take it to excess and sometimes get a little nutty.  So here is my proposal for an efficient, streamlined political party. It goes like this:

The government should provide the following services: education, roads and infrastructure, security and health care.  In my estimation, if you are educated, healthy, safe, and you can get from place to place, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to take care of yourself and pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  Here are the details.

Education

  Education should be free, all the way from preschool to college.  However, college should not be open to everyone.  Only those who have at least a C average in high school and can pass a placement test of some kind will be admitted.  If you can't pass the test or maintain decent grades, then you can go to trade school, which would also be free.  Also, if you are in college and you drop below a C average, you have to pay for school out of your own pocket.  The government shouldn't have to fork out money for you to slack off and be lazy.

Roads and Infrastructure

I'm aware that private enterprise could technically do this, but it's honestly more efficient for freeways and such to be centrally governed and maintained.  If roads and infrastructure were all run privately, by little fifedoms, it would slow down shipping and transportation, which is bad for the economy.  I also believe that subways and busses should be provided free of charge, or at a heavily subsidized rate, so anyone can use them.

Security

We need a military and police force.  I'm not a total hippie.  That being said, we could easily cut back on military spending and we would still have a kick ass military.  And under the rules of the Dana Hammer party, prostitution and drugs would be legal, since the goverment is not there to enforce moral order, so we would not need to spend as much money on the police force.  The remaining police would have their time freed up to deal with dangerous people like murderers and rapists, and they wouldn't have to waste their time with the 17 year old suburban kids dealing dime bags out of their garages.  So we would have an awesome military, a police force that actually arrests bad guys, and lots of extra money to spend on education and -

Health Care

  I know this is a controversial one.  I know that the government messes things up and wastes money and covers things in a million miles of red tape and beaurocracy.  That being said, the best healthcare I ever had was when I had free healthcare when I was poor.  It was easy and efficient.  And as much as it pains me, I have to say that this is where the libertarians get it wrong.  The thing is, if you're poor, I believe that it's your responsibility to remedy that situation.  You aren't owed a handout by the government or anyone else.  But, you can't pull yourself up by your own bootstraps if you're dealing with a chronic illness and you can't get it treated.  Cancer lady can't hold down a job, and neither can paranoid schizophrenic who can't afford meds.  So I believe that all healthcare should be free, including mental health care.  Included in health care would be disability payments.  If you are genuinely disabled, you get a check every month for as long as you are disabled. This would be enough money for you to meet all your basic needs, not just a paltry $100 per month or whatever. But you have to be actually disabled, not just like, fat or short or whatever.    Agents would check on you periodically to make sure you're not faking.  Birth control would, of course, be covered.  So would "alternative" health care such as chiropractors, acupuncturists, etc.

Now you're wondering where all the money is going to come for this.  Well, as I said, we would be cutting back on military and police spending, while still maintaining a reasonable level of security and safety for the citizens of the United States.  But, we would also no longer fund museums, social security, welfare, food stamps, WIC, government bailouts, parks and wildlife preserves, or anything outside of the four basics I have outlined.

I am NOT saying that there should be no safety net for the poor and elderly.  I am NOT saying that there should be no more museums or parks or welfare.  I'm saying that those things should be PRIVATELY funded.  That way we an afford the necesities: education, safety, roads and infrastructure and health care.  We only have a limited amount of money in this country, unfortunately, and I'm not someone who believes that we should simply take all the rich peoples' money.  Of course, they should have to pay their fair share of taxes just like everybody else, but I don't think that equal redistribution of wealth is a good solution for obvious reasons.  My point is, the money we have needs to be spent in the most efficient way possible, so the most people benefit, and the greatest good can be done.  Plus, if you are educated, healthy, safe, and you can get from place to place easily, then I think the need for welfare programs will be greatly reduced, since there's really no reason why you can't take care of yourself in that case.  

Parks, museums, food etc, are all easily and efficiently provided by private charities and individuals.  The government doesn't NEED to provide them.  We've all been to the food bank and we've all been to private museums and they function just fine.  

Anyway, that's the Dana Hammer political platform.