Tuesday, February 25, 2014

My Thought Process Re: Nadia's Scars

Nadia's scars are badass.  She's such a tough little warrior.  My little Viking baby!  She should rock those scars!

Wait - what if she doesn't think they're badass, as she gets older?  What if she's ashamed of them?  What if she doesn't want anyone to know about her scars, or her heart condition?  Isn't that her business?  Shouldn't she be the one to decide if her scars should be hidden or not?  Maybe I should keep her scars hidden for now, so she doesn't resent me when she's older.

But then, what am I telling her about her scars, if I always try to keep them hidden?  Am I telling her that they're something to be ashamed of?

NO!  I'm just telling her that they're private - like genitals.  

Really, Dana?  Her heart surgery scars are like genitals?  What's wrong with you?

Ok, not like genitals.  But still, private.  Medical history is private.  Also, what if people don't know about her surgery, and they think I'm like, abusing her or somethin?  What if people see her scars and say to themselves "What is that horrible woman doing to that baby?  Has she been slicing that baby open and bathing in her virginal blood, like some ghoul in a fairy tale?  I'm going to call child protective services."

OR, what if they see the scars and think to themselves, "Wow.  Why doesn't that mother cover up her baby's scars better?  It's like she wants everyone to see what her baby has been through.  She probaly likes the attention.  She probably is one of those Munchhausen's By Proxy mothers.  She probably drank a bunch of toxic chemicals when she was pregnant to give her baby a birth defect on purpose."

Which is obviously not the case.  But still, Nadia isn't anyone's freak show to be gawked at.  I don't want people feeling sorry for her, or thinking she's sickly or weird.  

But isn't it more important that NADIA not think she's sickly and weird?  Don't I want to instill confidence in her, and teach her that her scars are a mark of badassery?

Aren't I overthinking this?  Most clothes don't even show her scars anyway, so it's a moot point.  It's not like she's going to spend her days topless.

But what about her rompers?  They ALL show her scar if the fabric shifts.  And what about swimsuits? And V neck T shirts?

I don't want other kids to make fun of her, because then I'll have to do terrible things.  

But who says they will make fun of her?  Maybe they won't care at all, as long as Nadia is confident and matter of fact about it.

In sum, I think Nadia is more likely to suffer from having a neurotic mother than from having scars.