"Bellingham is a very conservative town."
Me: "Are you telling me that more than one person here owns a private island?"
Phil: "It's not that big of a deal, Honey. Lots of people own islands."
(To a man who wrongly accused me of letting my dog poo on his lawn)
"You need to stop harassing my wife, or I will take a shit on your lawn!"
Me: Do you think I'm wasting my brains by teaching yoga?
Phil: (laughs and laughs) I am not touching that question with a ten foot pole.
Me: What? No, I won't get mad. I just want to know what you think!
Phil: (goes into the kitchen and turns on the faucet) I can't hear you over the water!
Me: I just mean-
Phil: No, I still can't hear you!
(Driving past the multimillion dollar homes on the way to The Huntington)
"I bet all these people get really annoyed that cars drive past their houses all the time to get to The Huntington."
Only Phil has sympathy for the poor, poor rich people who have to deal with cars driving on the roads.