Fair warning: this blog won't be that funny. Unless you find my existential angst funny.
So after much thought, I think I've decided to go to yoga teacher training, and become a yoga teacher. I would specialize in restorative yoga and maybe chair yoga as well. I've been doing yoga for years now, and it makes me happy, and I think a career in yoga would make me happier still. So, here are my decision making lists:
Reasons Why I Am Not Suited to an Office Job
1)the constant shoe wearing
2)I dislike being bossed around and taking orders. Actually, "dislike" is a pretty weak term for my feelings regarding subservience. Unless you are God, you don't get to boss me around, because you are not superior to me. I feel I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions, organizing my own work day, and generally handling my business. I fully admit that I have a somewhat immature resentment of human authority figures, but in all honesty, I have no desire to remedy this character flaw. Instead, I just want to be my own boss.
Do you see why this is a problem for me, since I work in an office environment?
3) I hate customer service. This is not to be confused with hating people. I generally like people. But not when I have to serve them, and especially when I have to serve them in ways that don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things.
4)I'm a "big picture" person. Office work requires excessive attention to mundane details. It makes me want to jam a fork in my eye to relieve the tedium.
5)Office chit-chat - not a fan.
6) Offices are bland, horribly dull places with white walls, excessive air conditioning, ugly gray machinery, constant phone ringing, monochromatic color palettes, and ugly carpets. It's the kind of environment that is only conducive to depression and/or self mutilation.
7) Office equipment and cubicles are designed for people of average size, and those of us who are not average sized are essentially told on a daily basis that we should just fuck off and join a traveling freak show already.
Basically, I just don't have the temperament to sit in an office all day doing boring things.
Reasons Why I Should Be a Yoga Instructor:
1)I am passionate about yoga, particularly bringing it to underserved populations, like people in wheelchairs, the elderly and the obese. I think I would be really good at that.
2)No shoes required!
3)I can be my own boss and make my own schedule!
4)I love yoga studios. I love the high, airy ceilings, the beautiful paint colors that range from crisp, sky blues to rich, deep reds and oranges. I love the smooth wooden floors and the large, clean windows. I even love the smells of patchouli and lavender that are, you know, everywhere. This environment is conducive to things like happiness, relaxation and calm.
5)I like the idea of helping people with anxiety problems. Restorative yoga is one of the best ways to deal with excessive anxiety - I know, because it certainly helped me.
6)As a yoga instructor, I would get to travel to attend retreats and trainings. Sometimes to really cool places like Bali and Hawaii. (A lot seem to be in Thailand, as well, but of course I would never go to Thailand. No trip to Thailand ever goes well. It's always diarrhea, injuries and unjust imprisonment. But that's another story.)
7) It would really cut down on my own stress levels, which are always too high.
8) It would benefit my health as well.
9) When I have kids, I can easily arrange my schedule to accommodate them.
10) Maybe someday I can renovate my garage and turn it into my own little yoga studio! I would decorate it like a Persian harem with big Oriental rugs and plush pillows and swords mounted on the walls and filmy scarves draped all over everything! OR, I would do a totally Zen-Japanese garden style studio with lots of minimalist flat surfaces, and like, a bonsai tree in the corner! So fantastic! I would make a beautiful sanctuary for my clients, where they could come and just be happy and free and relaxed for a while.
So yeah, we shall see. A lot of my plans have fizzled out lately, so lets hope this one works out. Because I'm running out of ideas.