Sunday, June 12, 2011

This is MY Blog. MY blog has to understand ME.

Perhaps you have seen the commercial currently running for "National University". It is a horrifying montage of young people making demands, always putting emphasis on the ME and MY, like spoiled five year olds. The commercial is pandering to young adults who are products of the current culture of child worship, which tells children that they are ENTITLED to a college education. And not only that they are entitled to a college education - they believe - actually believe - that it is the responsibility of the educational system to work hard to cater to their every whim, to make things easier on them, and to coddle them. In this blog, I will deconstruct this commercial line by line, to show it in all of it's horror.

1) MY university must challenge me.

Response: If you want a challenging university, you don't apply to an online program for starters. Also, challenge yourself! Whatever happened to the noble autodidact? I mean, obviously, a college is there to teach you and facilitate your learning, but in the end, you are responsible for your education, no matter what college you attend. Why does everyone want to be spoon fed? Ugh.

2) MY university must allow me to be competitive.

Response: YOU make YOURSELF competitive you little punk, by being a decent human being and learning and working hard.

3) MY university must give me skills that will launch my career.

Response: That's not so unreasonable. Though I object to your demanding tone.

4) MY university MUST offer online options.

Response: Again, not so unreasonable. I understand if you have to hold down a full time job and need online options. OK. You get a pass.

5) MY university has to connect with ME.

Response: This is just awful. You are horrible. First of all, what does that even mean? Is the school supposed to contact you? Remind you of deadlines? Send you surveys to let them know how they're doing? This isn't a telephone company or a restaurant for crying out loud. It's not a concierge. It's a school. Which means that YOU do the majority of the work, including contacting your school.

6) Whereever or whenever I need them.

Response. UGh. Oh this makes me mad. If I had talked with this kind of snotty sense of entitlement as a kid, I would have been drowned in the creek out back by my totally justified parents. "I want what I want when I want it" type statements do not endear you to employers or anyone actually. Perhaps this is why you didn't get into a real college, and why you can't get a decent job. Freaking attitude problems.

7) MY college should understand that MY future starts NOW.

Response: DAAAA. Again with the ME and the MY and the NOW. Who are these people? Could they BE more unlikeable? Besides, this statement makes no sense. Techically speaking, everyone's future starts now. So? What does that even mean? That the college is supposed to throw you some kind of celebration for taking the noble step of enrolling in some online technical school, because your future starts now? Do you want a trophy?

8) MY education should be THEIR priority.

Response: Are you seeing a pattern here? Do you understand why these people have no hope of a bright future? NO. NO stupid kid. Your education should be YOUR freaking priority. YOUR priority. YOUR priority. YOUR priority. THEIR priority is to make money and try to give you some skills so you're a less worthless person. THEIR priority is to keep a functioning business, while enabling you to become a slightly less sorry excuse for a self righteous overly entitled human being you fucking nightmare of a person. You are a monstrous walking abortion, and a slimy cornucopia of demanding mediocrity.

Oh, and by the way. These are some of the activities we see these abominable people engaging in while they make their outrageous demands.

* playing video games
* sitting in an outdoor cafe
* snowboarding
* shopping
* sitting in a bar while people play pool in the background

Really? Really? If this is how you spend your days, what exactly entitles you to anything? If you don't have a good job, which ostensibly you don't, who is funding all these snowboarding and shopping trips? Hmmmm? You're entitled to exactly nothing, aside from your basic civil liberties, because you are a drain on your families, and you're not even nice people, and you contribute nothing to society other than bratty demands and probably bastard children.

Sigh. I'm calming down now.

My point is, higher education is not your personal concierge service. You are supposed to EARN a degree by WORKING for it. It's not something you deserve, just by being alive. You are not entitled to it, and your college is not supposed to work around YOU. It's not all about YOU. If you have to sacrifice nothing to get a degree, then it's just a worthless piece of paper, because you didn't EARN it. Of course, it's not unreasonable to try to find the best program for you; one that matches your needs. But you can't expect a college to conform to every one of those needs; and you certainly shouldn't make demands on television, showing the world how spoiled rotten you are, shaming your grandparents.


  1. Totally agree.

    These universities go after kids who don't have the ambition or gumption to get into mainstream academia, but do so by validating their failures. For-profit private universities that target low income students are sometimes sleazeball operations looking to soak up financial aid money by promising the impossible.

    Bottom Line: There's a reason they're advertising during Maury and not in a scientific journal.

  2. LoLoL... As I prep to teach my next set of snotty-nosed, entitled Community College students, your words ring true. I'm trying to figure out how to decrease reading levels and how to make a four hour class period more bearable - but really, it's education. It's not all snowboarding and shooting pool. It's books, and some people like books.

    Here here!