Monday, August 27, 2012

The Nice Guy's Lament, Deconstructed

I have a song on my ipod called " I Said These Are Lonely Days" by Greg Ashley.  And I think this song perfectly sums up the Nice Guys' Lament.  Before I get started though, I would like to point out that I am IN NO WAY talking crap about the song itself.  I love this song.  It's pleasing to the ear, fun to sing, and I really like Mr. Ashley's unusual voice.   I'm only criticizing the sentiments portrayed by the lyrics.  So, here is my take on those lyrics, and why Mr. Ashly will be alone forever unless he changes his mentality.

Well these are lonely days, and it's not gettin any better soon.  Because I ain't changed.  And I have no intentions to.

Well, even aside from the obvious grammatical problems, these are sad lyrics indeed.  If you're lonely, and you acknowledge that you're lonely because of your refusal to change (as opposed to being stranded on a deserted island or something), then maybe your should consider changing.  Just a thought.

Women talk so sadly when they speak of the men in their lives.  So why do all these girls continue with worthless guys?

Well, first of all, no one goes on and on about their men when their men are behaving well.  It's not interesting.  I used to talk crap about my job all the time when I worked for the Bad Lady at The Bad Place.  But now that I'm a yoga instructor, I don't talk much about my job, because no one wants to hear me say "Things are great!  I have no complaints!"  How boring would that conversation be?

Well, it's the same with relationships.  Especially since you've already stated that you're lonely.  Your female friend doesn't want to bore you with her happy stories or rub her happy relationship in your lonely face.  But if things aren't going so well, if they've had a fight or whatever, then she is comfortable telling you all about it.  See how that works?

Plus, who says these guys are worthless?  You?  Just because he had a fight with your friend, that doesn't mean he's worthless.

Hey when you wake up in the morning  - take a look around and it is storming- know that no one loves you like I do.

And how do you love her, Mr. Ashley?  Based on the lyrics in this song, I would describe your love as timid, weak, and dickless.  No woman has use for that kind of love.  What good is your love if it's secretive and does no good for her or you?  Any smart girl would spit on your "love".  What if she was in a dangerous situation, and she needed the man she loved to rescue her, or help her in some way?  Are you going to handle the situation?  Probably not.  Because you're weak.

While you play your games and chase after men with good lines - I'll just sit at home and wait for another try.

Umm, you mean she goes for guys who can be bothered to make the effort of pursuing her?  That silly ho!

  You admit that you just sit at home and wait around while she's out with this guy.  The implication being that she should somehow magically know that you're "waiting for another try"?  It doesn't sound like you tried much in the first place.  I guess writing this song is a good start, if you're looking for pity sex, but if you want this girl to respect and admire and love you, you need to step it up a bit.  

Now I'm stuck at home with box wine and magazines, while you've gone out with him to break up all of my dreams.

Why are you stuck at home?  Go out with some other girl!  Or go out with  your friends!  Or better yet, go out and find this girl, grab her hand and announce that you're taking her out on a date.  As long as you do this an a NICE way (not physically aggressively) with humor and confidence, it will probably work.  And then actually take her out on the date.  Is she out with the other guy?  So what?  "Out on a date" is not married.  Guess what girls like?  Confident men who take charge of the situation.  Guess what they don't like?  Sad, smelly guys who sit at home with porn, drinking boxed wine like trailer trash.  

Plus, I doubt she's doing this with the intention of "breaking up all of your dreams".  She probably is just going out with a guy who has actually expressed interest in her.  Which you have not done.

Hey if you call me in the morning, and try to tell me bout it with no warning - know that I won't listen, 'cause you're dumb.

Why is she dumb?  For neglecting to swoon over you?  What's to swoon over, exactly?  It sounds like all you like to do is sit at home and feel sorry for yourself.  The guy she was out with probably at least has a job or a hobby or ambitions, and he probably took her out to do some kind of activity like bowling or dining or something.  The alternative was to sit at home with you while you read your "magazines".  So why is she dumb, exactly?  

Your love is not worth anything.  The whole "If I love you, what business it is of  yours?" thing is funny and sweet when it's in a novel, but in real life, it translates to laziness or cowardice or both.  
If you love her, but all you do with that love is make self pitying songs with it, it is useless, and the girl is smart and prudent to disregard it.  She can do better.  But it sounds like you're a good friend, listening to her problems and such, so it makes sense to keep you in the friend zone.  Which is where you will stay, since you "have no intentions" to change.

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