THERE IS NO I IN TEAM
This is said, ironically, to foster a sense of team spirit, though it sounds like something you would say if you did not want to be a team player. "Wait, there is no I in team. Screw you guys I'm going home". But instead, when you hear this phrase you are supposed to think of subjugating your own needs and desires for the good of the team. You know, like communism.
But here's what's really stupid about that saying: it's not a good argument, because it's illogical. Everyone knows that team is spelled t-e-a-m. No, it is not spelled with an I. But the letter "i" does not always represent the first person pronoun. If it did, then I could say "There is no I in work. Guess I'd better go home". Or "There are three Is in 'millionaire'. Guess I'd better get spending". How can any rational person be inspired to great acts of teamwork by an irrational statement?
HAVE NO REGRETS
If you have no regrets you are a sociopath. You should regret things, unless you're some kind of perfect saint, which you aren't. We ALL have done things that are kind of messed up, and if you have a conscience, you are SUPPOSED to feel bad about it. I'm not saying you should cut yourself and torture yourself over it. But if you have any kind of moral compass at all, and you are reflecting on a mistake you made, you say to yourself "That was wrong of me. I wish I had handled that differently". If you say "Yeah, what I did was horrible, but whatevs. Have no regrets!" you are a horrible person.
THE PRESENT IS A GIFT. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT A PRESENT.
No. That's not why they call it a "present". You can see my "I in team" description above, because really it's the same argument. Except I would like to add that the "present" is not always a "gift". Just ask the people starving in Africa, or the people being tortured in North Korean prisons. They would probably love to skip right to the future.
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, SET HER FREE. IF SHE COMES BACK, SHE'S YOURS FOR LIFE. IF SHE DOESN'T, SHE WAS NEVER YOURS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Ugh. How many idiots have dumped perfectly good people because of this horrible advice? This advice is guaranteed to keep you lonely and alone. Because here's how this goes. John is feeling antsy in his relationship with Jill. So he dumps her to see if she comes back. Jill is confused. Why did John dump her? Things seemed to be going ok. Jill is depressed and she starts drinking a lot of bourbon and listening to lots of Bikini Kill. But one day she brushes herself off and decides to heal her broken heart. Jill calls that guy she met at a friend's party who was kind of cute. Jill marries the cute guy from the party. John sits home alone wondering why Jill didn't come beg him to take her back like she was supposed to.
THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF.
This is so stupid I can't believe anyone ever took it seriously. Because maybe if you've had a totally priviliged, cushy life that's all you have to fear. But the rest of us have to worry about disease, finances, global warming, drunk drivers, pedophiles, and meteors colliding with the earth. I understand the point, kind of. Obviously panic and irrational fear is bad, and unhelpful. But it doesn't follow that there is NOTHING else to fear. That's just silly.
BE POSITIVE. IT TAKES 64 MUSCLES TO FROWN BUT ONLY 11 TO SMILE.
Most people feel emotions because of external or internal events, which are either pleasing or displeasing. I, for one, have never decided to feel an emotion simply because of the number of muscles involved in expressing it. It's not even a contributing factor. BAsically, if I'm feeling upset, I'm not going to stop feeling upset simply because it's more effort than feeling happy. I won't stop feeling upset until the underlying issue is resolved.
Besides, who frowns? Seriously? When was the last time you saw someone frown? If I saw someone frowning to express displeasure, I would laugh and assume they were just trying to be funny.
LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY
What? Whoever said this has never been in a relationship of any kind. If you love someone you say "I'm sorry" all the freaking time. "I'm sorry I ruined dinner". "I'm sorry I was late". "I'm sorry I laughed when you slipped and fell". Apologizing is the way we acknowledge that we want to be a certain way in our relationships, and we have fallen short of that ideal. It says to your partner "I care enough about you to want to do better for you".
On the other hand, if you do something wrong, and DON'T apologize, what you're saying is "I don't care how you feel. I gotta be me baby. Deal with it." No one but God will love you long with that attitude.
So many more sayings, but I'm tired now, and feeling sick from trying to eat Chipotle.