Thursday, January 20, 2011

TV Poll

I love TV. I operate on a very high level of stress, mostly due to my overactive imagination and inability to turn off my brain. My TV time is sacred time; it gives me an opportunity to relax, or at least what passes for relaxation for me. But what do you think? Do our tastes dovetail? Or do you think I'm a mindless zombie deadening her mind with drivel? Answer my poll! I'm curious about you.

1)I love the show "Hoarders". What do you think should be done with severe hoarders?
A) Exactly what they do do on the show. Listen to them, allow them to have control, while helping them in a nurturing, supportive environment.
b) Throw them all in prison. They are disgusting people who are creating health hazards and ruining the lives of the children and animals in their care.
c) Trick them into leaving the house with a phony "spa day" or something and burn the house down while they're gone. It's the only way to make the place clean again.
d) Tie them up in a chair and make them watch as you throw away all their garbage. Exposure therapy, you pig.

2) The show "Bones" is arguably one of the most boring, horrible shows currently running. How should the makers of the show be punished?
a) A slap on the wrist. After all, they're not hurting anyone.
b) Thugs should break into their houses and smash any word processing devices to send a message.
c) Do they give Razzies for TV shows? That seems appropriate...
d) They should all be forced to listen to "Bones" (they call her "Bones" because she studies bones for forensic evidence. Get it? Get it? It's really, really clever.) get all judgmental and wax trite for a full hour.

3) SVU is a show that gives lurid, graphic descriptions of child rape and torture for a full hour. It's horrifying. It's the worst thing in the world. Yet many people like the show. Why do you think that is?
a) They are truly creepy people who find child rape and torture to be a delightful source of entertainment.
b) They don't like it, they just pretend to because their friends do or whatever.
c) They have a crush on one of the actors?
d) They are crime writers, but they aren't disturbed enough psychologically to come up with this kind of material on their own, so they steal it from this show.
e) They feel that the horror of the first 55 minutes of the show is worth it if the bad guy gets caught in the end. They are willing to sit through for 55 minutes of unrelenting horror for the 5 minutes of satisfaction.

4)American Idol is a popular show. I don't watch it, but I have seen a few episodes. There is a judge on the show called Simon Cowell, and lots of chicks think he's hot, despite the fact that he is a grown man who has devoted his life to teeny-bopper crap music. Why?
a) The accent.
b) They have daddy issues and like a man who is stern and chastises.
c) He probably has lots of money.

5)Lots of shows right now depict New Jersey as a truly disgusting place filled with disgusting people doing disgusting things. Why?
a) New Jersey is actually like that.
b) We just need someone to pick on, and West Virginia was getting old.
c) One show got good ratings doing it, and a bunch of other shoes got on the bandwagon.

6) The contestants on "The Biggest Loser" are (almost)uniformly hyper-emotional and lacking in humor. When they are interviewing prospective contestants, how many times must the person burst into tears before they will consider them for the show?

7)Lots of times I'll be excited for a show and it will be interrupted by a sports broadcast, despite the presence of like, 30 ESPN channels which were designed expressly for this purpose. Why do you think that is?
a)They want to destroy me.
b)The folks in charge honestly, truly believe that sports fans are not sophisticated enough to operate the remote control and change the channel to ESPN.
c)There is some kind of conspiracy where sports teams are paying good channels huge quantities of money to air them running back and forth with a ball, rather than good quality programming.

8)Who is your favorite character on 30 Rock? (hard, I know)
a) Jack
b) Liz
c) Kenneth
d) Tracy
e) Jenna

9)Which show should be brought back immediately?
a) The Riches
b) Survivorman
c) American Inventor
d) Mark Kistler's Draw Squad

10) Which adventure would you most like to participate in with the cast of "It's Always Sunny"?
a) home renovation
b) night crawlers
c) intervention for Frank
d) kidnapping the Paddy's reviewer to get him to change his review
e) Charlie's play

11) Why do you think some people are against TV in principle? (Not people who just don't like watching TV. People who think watching TV is bad)
a) They watched a couple episodes of "America's Got Talent" and "The Bachelor" and decided that all TV is comparably terrible.
b) They do like TV, they just think it makes them seem intellectual to say they don't watch it. So they just sit in front of the computer for hours which is, you know, much better.
c) They are too poor to afford it, and they are just saying they are against TV to hide the shame of their poverty.
d) They are schizophrenics who believe that the government is using the television for mind control purposes.
e) They are hippies who believe "the corporations" are using the television for mind control purposes.
f) They have weak minds that WILL actually be ruined by television watching. Though if their minds are that weak to begin with, they wouldn't be losing much anyway...TV can't make you stupid unless you weren't that bright in the first place...

12) Why do you think "The Riches" was cancelled, despite it's brilliance?
a)The world is full of Philistines.
b)They wanted to air some kind of sports program in its time slot.
c)I can't think of any reason. It was perfect. And they left it on such a cliff hanger! Sometimes, even years later, I start worrying about the Riches. What will become of them? What's going to happen to Cael? And Dahlia? And Didi? I know Wayne will get them out of the scrape somehow, but how? HOW?


  1. C, C, E, all of the above, C, C,C, don't know, B, E,B, never watched it.

  2. 1. C
    2. C
    3. C
    4. A
    5. C
    6. B
    7. A
    8. Dr. Spaceman
    9. Arrested Development
    10. N/A. Have never seen it, so not qualified to answer.
    11. B, C, and E
    12. N/A. Never saw this one either.